Dot Chalkley

My husband Kevin and I have been married 48 years. When he started forgetting things aged 64 we both thought it was just the first sign of getting old, but it wasn’t. It was the beginning of our dementia journey.

I didn’t know you could get dementia so young, it is always thought to be an old person’s condition.

We knew something was wrong when Kevin started forgetting people. We chatted with some friends we bumped into by chance at the coast. When the friends left, Kevin asked who they were. He really couldn’t remember.

Kevin had been to the GP before this point and initially received a diagnosis of cognitive impairment but a year later was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease aged 65. The condition had worsened significantly during this time.

Things progressed, Kevin deteriorated and one day an ambulance and the police were called. Kevin had hit out. This wasn’t like Kevin, after all our years together I never felt afraid, but something had changed and this time I did.

The ambulance crew arrived, a wonderful member of staff was so caring, explaining all that was happening and reassuring me that Kevin was in safe hands. Talking calmly, clearly and, every step of the way, providing the care Kevin needed. They would look after him. Our son went to hospital with Kevin. This was a very important decision in our story. This meant Kevin had someone familiar to him, to go with him and reassure him everything was ok. This led to Kevin being kept in hospital and we are currently looking for a nursing home for him.

My tips for anyone going through a similar thing – reassure the person living with dementia all the time; listen to what they say as if it is the first time they have said it (even if it is the 50^th!); and learn about the condition and sun-downing. This is a term used for the changes in behaviour that occur in the evening, around dusk. Some people who have been diagnosed with dementia experience a growing sense of agitation or anxiety at this time.